Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Wandering Happiness vs. Reality

Like most people, I am sure you have questioned if making a different decision would have lead you down a different path? We are human, we are curious, and if we’re not exploring what is out there I feel we are ruminating about what could have been way too often. That is what I found had lead me into a downward spiral of depression that had taken control of my happiness, and ability to focus on reality. 

I have kind of always been a career driven person, maybe out of boredom, I focussed hard on work and getting things done, helping others and influencing change daily. I have worked in Human Resources for 6 years, and have found that in the places I have worked lately it has become less about the humans and more about business, and that is something I need to move away from. As time has gone on, I have lost the flavour, and recognise others around me have as well. Maybe everyone is tired. I know I am. Living in Melbourne was a fresh opportunity, a new organisation, a new job title and a new team. It is here at this point where I take you back, have you questioned if making a different decision lead you down a different path, this is where I should have backed it up a little bit and asked. 

Starting this new position did not give me a fresh perspective, the place was a nightmare, including the management that went with it. I found myself scratching the surface for work to do, and things started to slow down for me majorly, where managers would obsess and keep hold of all their work and give very little recognition to what their employees are capable of. Because things slowed down too much for my liking, I started to think, think about the possibilities that my life could have lead, was moving to Melbourne the right choice? Should we have taken that leave without pay we already had approved to travel the world? 
I'm not saying I regret where I worked, because I made some pretty solid friends for life, who helped me along the way of moving to another big city. People who know me, they know I am the bubbly person who chats to random people in the street, and perhaps because I was moving to another city in Australia than somewhere international, I felt foreign to myself. It was a great experience nonetheless, and I visited many places around Victoria, and drank their wine from the local valley's - the highlight of course. 

Both sides of Phillip Bay in Melbourne - including the 12 apostles
I've been back living in Sydney for a month now, observing business people around me with faces that looked like they were invisible to the world. But I could see their emotion, their sadness, boredom, tiredness, dissatisfaction, I can't help but stare at these invisible faces and decide this is not who I want to be in 3 months time which is hard with the 1.5 hour commute to and from work everyday. I would gladly commute 3 hours in a day to a new destination around the world, but the monotony is driving me to invisibility also. People are generally cranky with the world, pushing and grunting past you, I must look like the only weirdo out with a half a smile on my face where the only hint of emotion is just a bit of tiredness from being out for nearly 12 hours in my working day. I can't complain, I shouldn't complain there are plenty of other people out there who commute to work as long a distance as me, but to me and most of my day being involved at work or on the way to work then sleeping - there really isn't much time for much else. But I will always make time to dedicate to my fantastic followers at Start Wandering. That's the thing, I absolutely love doing this, instead of sleeping on the train I am researching, following and networking with others and reminiscing about previous trips I have been on to share with you all. I've been dedicating more time to Trover also, a social media travel app that gives you instant adventure at your fingertips. You should definitely check it out here.

Sydney peak hour commuters
I'm working with people I have worked with for most of my working life, they're awesome people, but I draw back to when I moved to Melbourne for my husband's career with no support and was even told to put my house for sale if we were struggling to pay the mortgage, or resign. Tops! To think of it, the more and more pressure work has on my life, the more reality gets out of control. I read something in passing the other day, and it stuck with me - "Why treat yourself less than how you treat others". I have been putting everything before me for a while now, more specifically work, because the leaders in your life tell you that, you must work hard every day in your life to be able to enjoy it later. I had been too consumed in making other people happy and doing the right thing than doing what was right for me all for later, but why later? I admit I love my job and the work I do, but the passion has been lost and is this really my reality. I am proud of myself for recognising this, among the people I work with there are the following types of people: 

  1. 9 years and miserable but holding out for Long Service Leave
  2. 16 years and would happily quit but can't afford it, so will wait for a package
  3. 25 years and fears with no other experience they won't get a job elsewhere and now they're too old to do anything about it

My reality is, if I keep moving on this way, I will end up the same after 9, 16 or 25 years time, and if I recognise I am not happy with where I am going, then there is all the reason in the world to do something about it to find what I am looking for. I am aiming for happiness, I have fought depression through blogging, and planning a reality that brings me the kind of happiness you can't put into words.

"If you're completely satisfied with where you're going, then by all means keep on going that way. But there is no reason in the world why you have to keep following that same path if it is not bringing you full and lasting fulfillment"
I want to stand out and smile each day as I discover something new, I am lacking the ability to wake up and face the world because the world is facing the other way. I need to take the direction in order to follow my dreams. I don’t need the corporate attire anymore, the alarm set 15 minutes too early so I can snooze it three times. I want to want to get out of bed before sunrise to capture the moments that most people are too ignorant to recognise. 

Happy me backpacking in Ireland - 2010

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